It’s worth a nickel

It’s full of a whole big list of things that I’m “supposed to” do and be.

But where did this list come from, and why do I feel so constrained by it? I guess it’s from my childhood, the experiences that have made me who I am today, but it’s time to start letting go of some of them.

1. I’m not really that independent, even though I say I am and I like to think I am. I’d much rather be with the people I care about than be alone. Even when I’m cranky. A lot of times, even when I say I want to be. (I don’t even like going grocery shopping alone.)
2. When you’re smart, it doesn’t mean you have all the answers, all the time. Paul and I have argued about this more than once … he’ll ask me a question, and I’ll snap back: “why would you expect me to know that?” Innocently, he’ll respond, “because you usually do know the answers to my questions.” The problem isn’t with Paul; it’s with me. Why do I feel so defensive about not having the answer?
3. The tough thing about being perceived as strong is that it can rob you of the chance to be weak. If I hadn’t found a couple of people with whom I can be truly vulnerable, unfiltered,  I’d be exhausted. Those special people are rare and I treasure them, though I often forget to let them know it.