fairy tale romance

last weekend, i had the honor and pleasure to attend melissa and eric’s wedding.

although a number of my friends have gotten married in the last few years, i’ve never had the opportunity to participate in someone’s wedding in a dramatic and meaningful way. but when melissa got engaged in december 2004, she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. now, i know what you’re thinking … chris just doesn’t look that good in a dress … but that’s okay, because i got to wear a tuxedo.

i didn’t realize that weddings are full time jobs for the people planning them. melissa and eric spent a lot of time and gave their special day a lot of thought. i talked with melissa at least once a week in the months leading up to the wedding, which was a departure from our traditional oh-my-god-we-haven’t-talked-in-a-month marathons. throughout, i learned a lot of lessons.

1. sometimes, it’s not what you do, or say. it’s just being there, and listening. that one was hard for me, because i’m a fixer. i like to listen critically, and then fix the problem. but sometimes, when you’re stressed out, you don’t want to fix, you just want someone to understand. i’m hoping i can carry this lesson forward with me.
2. major life events are aptly named. weddings change people. and i know you’re sitting there thinking of course weddings change people; they get married and everyone’s all nervous, etc. but it’s more than that, and it’s not temporary. yes, melissa and eric are married now. but the relationships and dynamics of everyone around them are changed as a result. in my case, i feel closer than ever to melissa, and although i didn’t expect it, i feel much closer to eric too. it’s also given me the opportunity to evaluate some of the other relationships in my life, to better understand their value and make decisions about their future. for example, i now appreciate even more the value of my relationship with paul. he is my complement, the yin to my yang in the same way that eric and melissa are the halves that fit together to make a whole. imagining my life without him is something i don’t like doing, because he bakes me treats. (okay, he doesn’t really, but he is an awesome cook, and he can make me laugh when the rest of the world has me crying. the treats reference is really just an inside joke for those who were at the wedding. and that’s just one example, on the positive side. we’ll stay away from the negative side in this pseudo-public forum, but suffice it to say that major life events can end relationships too.

back to the wedding.

i drove down to jersey on wednesday night after work. it was a whirlwind day, but it was important to me to be extremely present for melissa (see lesson #1). i spent that night at melissa and eric’s, and together with melissa’s mom, we all made a driving tour of northern nj on thursday. we dropped off some things at the wedding venue, got some lunch, and got manicures and pedicures. Then back to get ready for the pre-wedding dinner!

the dinner on thursday night was perhaps the most strained part of the entire experience. the setup of the restaurant wasn’t conducive to a good conversation, because we had to split up to four different tables. fortunately, i sat with the rest of the bridal party (minus eric’s brother matt) and all of our respective spouses. of all the tables, i’d say i couldn’t have chosen better … although i didn’t choose; eric’s mom linda carefully instructed everyone on where to sit! it was also the most difficult part of the weekend for melissa, who felt torn over where to sit, how to give everyone their fair share of time, and how not to have an anxiety attack. as usual, she handled the situation with quiet dignity, and i was proud of her.

we woke up friday morning with nothing left to do but wait. that’s sort of an agonizing feeling, but melissa was, i think, the most calm of us all. that is, until eric called. he was just checking in, and letting us know everything was going well. but after that, melissa got herself all worked up again. (she’ll deny it, but she’ll be lying.) fast forward to midday … everyone’s hair is done, everyone is in varying states of readiness, and the photographer arrived. let the fun begin!

by now, you’re getting bored. this is a long blog, you’re saying to yourselves. don’t give up yet!

the limo driver arrived to take us all over to the wedding. it was melissa’s mom and brother, the flower girl angelina, the bridesmaids (stacey and me) and, of course, the bride herself. this limo driver didn’t have a clue! when we passed by the carnival for the second time — as angelina yells out “look! more rides!” — we knew we were in trouble. all in all, we only arrived ten minutes later than planned, thanks in part to the fact that we finally convinced the driver to pull over and get directions, but mostly because the photographer, who was following us, had a gps and apparently should have been in the lead all along. (this after he complained about the quality of the directions eric had given him earlier in the week!)

the wedding itself was flawless. melissa and eric exchanged their vows looking out over a beautiful lake, and a gentle rain reminded us that all the guests were under a canopy, while the bridal party itself was not. melissa’s goal throughout (and eric’s too, i’m sure) was that everyone will enjoy themselves at her wedding. in this endeavor, i say without hesitation: anyone who did not enjoy himself or herself at this wedding is subhuman. this was the best wedding i have ever attended, because it was the culmination of a year’s planning for two people who truly love each other.

it just doesn’t get any better than that.